Anonymous said: i'm a neurotypical and i'm pretty in love with my best friend who has asperger's. how do i know if he's interested in me if it's nearly impossible for him to communicate any type of romantic feelings?
Its not impossible! Its there, its just harder to read. If you’re in love with him though I’m sure you’ve noticed little changes in his demeanor? If you talk to him about his favorite things he probably smiles and breaks any semblance of eye contact (which, at least for me, is a sign that I’m concentrating on my thoughts and forgetting what my face is doing).
In fact reading an Aspie might be easier sometimes, smiles are typically genuine and its hard to “fake it” for people on the spectrum, generally speaking. (I can but it took me years of practice)
Everyone is different, so I can’t tell you exactly what to expect, but you can pull some of the same methods you might with NTs. The whole “Do you have a crush on anyone?” hinting around, feel it out and get an idea… If my crush asked me that I would probably slouch, blush, and grin then stammer out a “yeah…” or something of that nature while I looked all over the place.
People on the spectrum are usually honest, so if you get a no or a not interested, you can probably take it at face value. But if you get a yes just be flat out who is it, and then… well, be up front too. Have a whole “Hey I like you” speech written out.
Long story short, do what you would typically do, and then take his personality and behavior into account while you do it! You may not get the whole gazing into each other’s eyes during the sunset romance movie scene (and I don’t think you get that with a whole lot of NTs either lol) but you will definitely see his expressions of interest…
I can say with a degree of certainty that every aspie wants someone who understands them, be it friend or significant other. They may be soft little whispers of body language, but if you listen/look close enough I assure you you’ll find them!
Anonymous said: Am I the only one who just reads through the memes and giggles until I fall out of the chair because they're just so relevent?
Hehe, good! That’s what they’re there for!
But no you’re not the only one! @v@ Admin gets the giggles when there are submissions, and even more when people comment on the ones I make haha
Anonymous said: I am 99% sure my brother has aspergers. He exhibits almost every symptom. He's 23 by the way. I want to ask my parents because I'm pretty sure they're oblivious to the symptoms and signs and I want him to get help/get diagnosed but I'm scared to ask and I don't know where to start.
Have you tried asking him? My best suggestion would be to bring it up to him, in a nonchaulaunt way (so it doesn’t feel like an accusation or something negative being thrown on him) — “This thing reminded me of you” or “You ever think you might be on the spectrum?” something gentle and affectionate?
I mean really ask yourself why you want him to know and how its going to help him and not harm him. Base your persistence on how he feels, or how critically impaired he is, such as in his work or education or social life. Getting a diagnosis helps a lot of people, but not everyone. And if I had listened to some of the people I’d talked to when I first got diagnosed my life would be far more impaired.
I think this whole area is really a costs vs benefits. Assume that a diagnosis will cause some costs, such as discrimination and feelings of solitary, stress to ‘be better’ and the negative affects that society tends to spread amongst the disabled. Weigh that against the costs that are present in his life. Is he having trouble getting/keeping jobs? Taking tests at school? Is he stressed and confused because social relationships keep falling apart? Is he anxious or depressed (often co-morbid with ASD and commonly associated with social isolation)?
I mean there are dozens of reasons why a diagnosis could help, but they don’t appear for everyone. Or more simply, some people love to know more about themselves and their biology, how their brain works and mechanisms are at function. (I am one of these!) but there’s a slew of people with dramatically different personalities experiencing the same physical limitations. Some people don’t find a diagnosis to be soothing and explaining. To them its a death sentence, that they’re now “broken” or “wrong” and it really hits people heavy sometimes.
I hope all of this just gives you some places to start while working towards how you want to address this. I’m trusting you know your brother well enough to know which of these apply and which don’t and give yourself a well weighted list of pros and cons.
I’m also not saying “don’t ever tell him it will hurt him hide it from him.” if you think its true you do need to mention it, but how strongly you mention it should be answered with these; be it passing comment or sit-down-conversation.
That feels like I typed a lot of information, please feel free to keep talking with me I’ll be happy to help. Long story short try to talk to him first, unless you’re just not sure how to bring it up and want your parents advice since they know you both well enough to offer good advice.
Anonymous said: Thanks for the response! I'll try my best to remember that. //imaginary paragraph break// I don't think I did a very good job at explaining the feeling, but it's more likely to be related to anxiety disorder (which I have been diagnosed with) than anything else.
Of course! Thank you~
I understand! Its hard to conceptualize some of those internal feelings, they just are and its difficult to cross that bridge.
I do know, however, that anxiety disorders are SUPER common in relation to ASD. So you’re probably spot on with that idea!
I also know anxiety disorders breed other anxiety disorders, my own started with social anxiety (I wonder how that happened, not like the social world is chaotic and unpredictable or anything) which then morphed into panic disorder with random symptoms like feeling unable to breathe with no other symptom (which made it confusing) and then yeah…
My depression also turns into an obsessive pattern where I’m actively worried about whatever is currently happening. I can be sitting passively doing nothing and be worried about what the cat is doing, whats on the TV, whatever happens to pass by. I was told that was also a overlap with the ASD so my current (and actually working) medication is one used for all anxiety/OCD/antidepressant/PTSD.
I know I felt excited for probably the first time last December. I wasn’t sure what it was, I thought I was having a panic attack, and my fiance had to tell me what it was. So I’m fairly certain there’s some overlap.